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Thursday, June 12, 2008

A Shidduchim Etiquette Question, Part II

Another question for the ladies. (Guys feel free to respond as well)

One of the no-no's of shidduch dating, is that it's not proper to take a date to a location in her own neighborhood, especially for the first date. I completely understand the rule. It's shouldn't even be a rule- it's just good manners. A friend once told me that she had a date where the guy picked her up at her house, then proceeded to walk down the block with her to the local cafe. Not cool.

So I want to know- Do you care if a guy takes you to a local restaurant? If you do care, will you tell your date? Or will you just sit there, silently stewing while hoping you don't run into all your friends and neighbors. Also, at what point would you be comfortable staying local?

I've also noticed that the older the lady is, the less likely she'll care about staying local. Is this true?

(Part I)


The first time guy did that to me I was annoyed. It didn't help that I bumped into a teacher I really didn't like and got a saccharine smile from her. But then I realized I had to lighten up, so I stopped minding.
I would not like to be taken somewhere down the block, but I really could care less at this point if we stay local. I actually prefer a local Barnes & Noble (especially for a 1st date) than to be shlepped out somewhere far.
Depends what local means. My wife was once taken to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens on a first date during chol hamoed - that was awful for her as her parents got a many winks and even a few mazal tov because who would be seen in public like that?! But when I took her to the Brooklyn Musuem (to be fair I could not go far distances that day) there were no people there, so it was not a problem. So I think it depends on where you take her - she does not want to be seen by friends, neighbors or family.

Whether a girl would actually say something depends on a) her personality and b) her age/dating experience.
One of the first dates my wife and I went on I took her to a local Zoo (it was chol hamoed) and we bumped into her neighbors and they snidely smirked. I really do not see the big deal, not like it is a secret that people are dating.
I would mind. But I probably would not say anything.

When people see local, they think right away that it is very serious. So you have to be careful. I'd say you have to wait until you are both feeling very comfortable with being seen together.
No local, please!

And yes, I would tell the date that I have a problem going local.

Unless it is getting serious, as others were saying, I don't need the natural yenta in everybody to start speculating...
Sorry LWY but you hit a sore spot with me and instead of shanghaing your blog I took my answer to your question and posted on it instead. But you do get kudos for bringing this topic up.
Hey...I didn't know we knew each other in person...unless someone else out there walked down her block to a local cafe.

Anyway, I have no problem dating in my neighborhood on a first date. If someone wants to start a rumor I'm getting engaged tomorrow, let them. Who cares?
Living in a small, somewhat gossipy town, I'd rather not go out in the neighborhood: the chances of bumping into someone who will make an embarrassing comment is really high. It wouldn't be the worst thing, just undesired.

Also in terms of dating from the dorm, better to try to steer clear of places where super likely to bump into lots of people (because dating is a private thing, and why does everyone have to know?), although in Manhattan, unless you're really good about going to random, out-of-the-way places, chances are you're going to meet someone you know.
How many out of the way kosher places can there be to eat?
If you need food, you will probably bump into someone you know.
What's the point of this "rule"? Isn't the whole thing about getting to know the other person?
I actually prefer to stay local (less time with the guy if the date is hell). I do tend to recommend one place (my friend owns it) so when he sees me on a "bad" date he rushes the service.
Well, there's always the option of getting food and eating somewhere else where people won't stare.
I did that and I still had a bad experience...

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