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Wednesday, February 07, 2007

A Shidduch Story, Part II or Lying Shadchanim And The Lies They Tell

Shadchanim lie all the time. Many will say anything in order to get two people to go out. But plenty of times it backfires- here's a story:

Shadchan calls up boy's mother, asks a few questions about the boy, including his age. Mother replies, "25". Shadchan then says she has a wonderful girl, yada, yada, yada, 20 years old, yada, yada, yada...

Mother quickly interjects, saying that her son really doesn't like going out with girls that much younger than him.

Conversation winds down, mother thanks shadchan for her time, but says that it's probably not going to happen, due to the age difference.

Shadchan then pauses, and then says, "you know, she might be older!", she quickly does some mental calculations, and wooop!, turns out the girl is 22, not 20!

Mother again thanks shadchan and hangs up.

So this sounds like a shadchan lying in order get the two to go out, right? The girl is really 20, not 22, right?


Turns out, the girl is really 22. So why did the shadchan say she was 20? An honest mistake?

Nope. Not a chance.

What probably happened, is that the shadchan, hearing that the guy was 25, figured that he likes going out with younger girls. So she just dropped the girl's age by 2 years. but ooops! Turns out the guy likes girls who are closer to his age. If the shadchan had simply told the truth, it might have been a shidduch. Instead, the shadchan is never going to be trusted again.


I couldn't access the other parts of your shadchan stories. This is actually a very mild type of prevarication. Shadchanim often fudge the ages, but to their credit, our biases against certain ages can get in the way of perfectly good shidduchim.
It is more problematic when they deliberately cover up something that is in fact objectionable.
Lying is lying- what's in fact objectionable to one person is a just a bias to another.
I dated a girl once who the schadchun told me she was sure was 30. It came out during conversation that she had practiced law for 10 years..... do the math.
"If Woody would have gone to the police, none of this would ever have happened."

I agree with CWY (& disagree w/ Ariella)- lying is lying. I can't even tell you how many times this has happened to me, albeit sans shadchanim. One girl I went out with on Frumster has been listing herself as 32 for the last 4 years- after I'd gone out with her I saw her name in my friend's wife's High School alumni directory- her graduating class was the same as mine. No way she was 32.

Another divorced woman I dated online had her age listed as 36- I Googled her name and came up with her NY Times weding announcement from 2001 that listed her age then as 35; I did the math too.

Clarification: I didn't say what the shadchan said is NOT lying. What I said was what they're thinking would be to justify it.
Anyway, you know what they say shadchan stands for, don't you?

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