Wednesday, November 22, 2006
A Shidduch Story
The phone rings, and the mother of a daughter in shidduchim answers. A shadchan on the other end of the line tells the mother that a certain bachur is interested in going out her daughter, but he wanted to know a bit more information.
“So what does your daughter do”?
“She’s an elementary school teacher in Bais Yaakov”.
Silence at the other end of the line.
The shadchan then asks, “Well, then how does she plan on supporting someone for 5-10 years on a teacher’s salary?
The mother is puzzled. “I’m sorry?”
“Well she’s not an OT, PT, or ST, so what’s the plan?
Mother is on the defensive. “I’m sorry, but that she always wanted to do, she always wanted to be a teacher.”
“But how does she plan to support someone for 5-10 years?
“Well we’re willing to help out, but no one is signing up for a 10 year commitment!”
The shadchan then proceeds to explain that her own daughter has 4 kids under the age of 5, works all day as an OT/PT/ST to support her husband, and was miserable doing it, but this is what all the girls are signing up for. The shadchan then says that she did it as well, though admitting that it was a relief when her husband finally started working part-time, so that she no longer had to be the sole breadwinner in the family.
Mother finally says, “So you want me to sign my daughter up for this? Why?“
The shadchan replies, “This is what everyone is doing”
Mother has enough and says “Can I call you back?”
The ironic part of the story is that if this wonderful bochur who wants to be supported for 5-10 years was even frumer, then he would have been glad to hear that the girl was a teacher, and not, chas v’shalom, a OT/PT/ST. (Which would mean that his prospective bride to be would have been college and university educated). It seems that the ulta-ultra frum “learning boys” don’t want to be supported by their wives, but rather by their fathers-in-laws. Ess pas nisht (it’s not appropriate) for a frum girl to get a secular education.
The sad part of the story is that you have a shadchan admitting that the kollel lifestyle makes wives completly misererable. She seen it in herself and her own daughter. Yet she's more than willing to help spread the the misery to others, as if being being miserable in your marriage is a laudable goal.
I do not think they tell this to sem girls before they start dating though. They just tell them how important the learning is. No mention of side effects.
Limud haTorah has always been in. What's in today is the farcial notion that every young married shnook is incapable of learning unless he's supported by his wife and or in-laws.
The Jewish people managed to survive 2000 years without the the Kollel lifestyle being the norm, and we'll continue to survive when the lifestyle collapses on itself.
Actually, a nice portion might not. But I hope you're right.
This was a great post, btw.
There is something wrong with this story?
Then we can back to being more honest with ourselves and our credit card bills.
I love Torah and can't live without it. But I agree with what everyone else says, and will add what my mother always says:
Man's curse was to work. Woman's curse was to raise the kids. Why is she taking on two curses???
That a conversation like that can take place just gets me so angry..... How STUPID and non-thinking can we get???